This week has been an odd emotional week for both David and I. We are learning new things about each other and trying to figure out how to meet each other's needs and wants along with our new schedule. We are stressed. We are tired. We are having fun with old friends. And we are still trying to figure out the married thing.
In my last post I mentioned that I went to a really good friends bridal shower last Friday...and it REALLY made me realize just how much I miss being with friends who share my interests, friends I can talk to about our husbands, our dreams, our sorrows...and know that I won't be judged. I miss friends that I can just be downright silly with, because they are downright silly too. And I think its because once I got married, my perspectives on life and who I associated with changed...drastically. Many of my friends are still single, and while that is fine....we are on different wavelengths. I don't find myself talking about the cute boy in institute, or joking about immature little things. I have had to grow up in a certain way (this is a good thing...I love my husband to death). However, this has distanced me from some of my best friends. I am in a ward that I love and I've made some good friends in, but none I feel i can just invite over to scrapbook or watch movies with or share my feelings. David is wonderful, girls just need good girlfriends.
As I have said in the past, we are heavily considering buying a house when are lease ends in february/march. And while I love my ward, perhaps this will be the start of a new season. Perhaps David and I will be able to move into a ward where there are people like us...similiar in age with similiar interests. I think this is something we both really need, because we have a small gap in our lives as most of our friends are either out of stayed or single and have lost common ground.
The girls and two boys in year 2 of my masters program all drink....and so while they have built friendships over drinking at bars and being drunk, I have been left behind because I don't attend those functions.
I used to despise change, and part of me is still afraid of change because of its uncertainty. But I know it gives growth and opportunity. I really like this quote: "If we don't change, we don't grow. If we don't grow, we aren't really living."-Gail Sheehy
11 comments:
It is hard to get married and keep the same relationships when a lot of your friends aren't. I lucked out- the summer I got married so did Becky and Kim. All that was left is Amber, but she is such an amazing friend marriage and babies hasn't changed our friendship. It's wierd how some relationships change unintentionally. Drew is fine having me and a family and no other friends. But I am with you. I like girl chat, and I like to get out with friends.
Ditto... Ditto... Ditto! I have always struggled with making friends of that caliber. I recently was struggling with the whole friend issue. I went to the Lord with my concerns and discussed it with my husband. My prayers were answered shortly there after, maybe not in the way I wanted it answered, but enough to know that the Lord knows me and cares about me.
Lynette I feel the same way! I feel like I don't have any of my friends around anymore that know me, and know why I'm me, and get me :) It is hard feeling like the only one at your stage in life. I am totally there!! I just cross my fingers that it will get better as time goes along!
I think that every couple experiences this to some degree. We've been married for kinda almost three years and I've just started making new friends that only I hang out with that actually live by me. It's so hard! Especially not living by the friends I grew up with who have husbands that Brian gets along with. can't win them all I guess. :) Good luck!
Thanks for sharing, Lynette. I feel the same way! It is so hard to find friends that 1. Share your values and standards 2. Are in the same phase in life as you and 3. That you even get along and feel comfotable with
and there is nothing like chatting for hours with girl friends, that is something I miss so much high school. Husbands just can't provide it all- we need girls too!
Good luck with everything! :)
you are right there is nothing better then a little girl time with old friends. i dont know about you but my silliest times, the funnest moments, most relaxed nights, deepest conversations have all been with my husband who truely is my best friend. i feel like if i need someone to talk to or even someone to doa craft with i go to him. the beggining of a marriage is so important and you need to learn to go to eachother no matter what and build that foundation. when we were first married we moved away and so all we had was eachother, no friends close for over a year and tha brought us so close because we did everything together. take advantage of this time alone now. soon kids will come and you will be at home or go to playdates with girl time and girl talk.
I have been feeling the same way for a while now! And even though I don't really have time for friends because I'm so busy, it gets lonely not having many girls to talk to about my issues :( You should move into our complex and we can be friends :)
I had the same problem when I first got married and then when I had three little kids. My friends were either un-married or had no kids yet and the women in my ward with kids my childrens age were all 7-10 years older than me.... but time changes all and I have found a more common ground with new friends and old :) change is GOOD
I went through the same thing with my friends after Jason and I were married. I still don't have very many friends that I can relate to. As far as the marriage thing goes, we are still trying to figure it out, and we have been married for almost 5 years now! I think it will be a never ending process. We are going to miss you guys if you move out of the ward. We need to double date more. I miss sitting by you in Relief Society. Hang in there. Things will work out in time.
I know you posted this a while ago, but girl you are ALWAYS welcome to come hang out with me and my friends. We are as silly as they come : ) I am going to email you some things coming up soon. I hope you can come. You would fit right in - I promise !
We don't all drink, silly Lynette! Let me know if you want to do something ;)
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